zushi's place

i had a weird half year.

in a few days it'll be six months since i've moved to new york. in many ways this has been an educational experience, and i intend to stay here a bit longer.

i learned a lot of things in the past half year, but at the same time it also feels like... not much? perhaps i get stuck too much. anyways, i've been reading a lot and thinking about my experiences in the past half year. there's too much to write all about while moving, but here's an attempt to capture some of it, just so that they're not floating around me all the time.

friendships: – you can still make friends – people seem to want to be your friend – but you can also be incredibly awkward around some people, without a good reason. i think this happens when i'm stressed and thinking about other things all the time. – i don't reach out to old friends enough – i need to make more male friends – even though i've had hundreds of friends, people continue to surprise me with how different they are. maybe there are ten thousand archetypes. – i use social media and discord too much in lieu of interacting with real people, and it's had some real detriments. – beware of anything that gives a social sense without actual social interaction – friends are drawn to people who provide value, which is... ok – entertainment and meaning are not orthogonal – go for entertainment foremost when meeting new people – when you feel socially bored, go meet real people. let's plays make you lazy – stress makes you unfun to be around – play with other people's bits – play out the bits longer – go on adventures with people, even if it's a walk around, just being a room sucks – spend more time around people and you'll usually like them, and they'll usually like you back, it just takes time

living – living near a community is important for me – i could still improve a lot about living by myself – sometimes it takes time, but i can cheer myself up – i fall into maladaptive habits sometimes, and perhaps i need to journal more to catch myself doing this – running is pretty much always worth it, even if the road is terrible – you get used to bad roads – you let small roadblocks get in the way of larger decisions – i need to figure out what to eat consistently – i need to eat clean – don't move too frequently, it can get tiring – ask local people for recommendations – i can procrastinate hard – working out can help with burnout – turn off twitter and community discord during the day, instead just meet up with people – don't use tech to meet needs that are decidedly not tech – periodically check for the above point – journaling helps! – a good work desk is important – work environment matters a lot

fashion – good fits take time to develop – thrifting is hard – develop a few good fits for important occasions – have a few fits in mind to save time – have a system for organizing your clothes – you are drawn to fashion – people who like fashion can eventually be drawn to you – good fashion looks bespoke, but is worth it for your top few fits – i need to figure out how to tame my air – hygene – donate your old clothes – invest in accessories – the clothes you take with you to shop is important – 10/10 fits are probably unsustainable – if you can have around 4 9/10 fits, then you are set – fashion has diminishing returns after – keep working out for your body posture

dating – hedonic treadmill is real, both in terms of who i look for and how much id like out of a relationship – i'm not giving people enough chances – i don't really know how to escalate? – tinder is not really for me – i get too easily attached sometimes – you grow reattached to people too often, sometimes distance is good – its good to take breaks and just focus on friends sometimes – sex is weird – it's a long road – women generally seems very passive about taking next steps, so you have to initiate often – get used to talking to strangers – american dating is extra weird, you have to understand the framework – don't talk to too many people at once – get better at talking to new people – get better at impression management – its a bitter fruit sometimes – do stuff you like to do anyways – help the people you want to meet to find you – get some better pictures, see fashion. – i can't easily make myself like someone – the more im around a person the more i like them usually, but this is very time consuming – the best way is to create a community of people you like – sparks are an evolutionary tool

work – work/status connection is a huge thing – i'm avoiding asking myself important questions about work. need to spend 10h on this.

best, z