Whenever I start contemplating that question, I always spend a ton of time without coming up with anything good; and after some deliberation, I think it's because trying to represent all of myself is the wrong thing to do there.

I think the story of most people are quite complex, and not really possible to capture in something as simple as a single outfit or a single work of art. For one, there isn't really an overarching “designer of our life” that sculpts our life to have certain aesthetic qualities. For two, in different contexts we can be into completely different things.

For example, I enjoy both Japanese and Italian cuisine at times. However, it's impossible to capture a representation of how I enjoy both cuisines in a single dish. Since meals are usually considered one slice of immediate experience, a meal that tries to be both Japanese and Italian can only represent a meal of fusion cuisine, rather than the pleasure of eating each authentic cuisine individually, just like how an Italian sushi of shrimp wrapped in soft bread is likely delicious, but nobody would argue that it's authentic Japanese or authentic Italian food.

In this way, a single song, picture, or outfit fall very much short of having enough scope express our different likings fully. They only express a slice of our immediate experience, not a collection of them. While it is possible to combine two different likings to something entirely new, a part of the authenticity and directness of each component is lost in the process, and that can remove the effectiveness of the art itself as a whole.

It's no longer possible to convey the joy of pure Japanese food or pure Italian food in a fusion context. Conveying the liking of a single style within the scope of an immediate experience (a song, a picture, a meal, etc.) requires commitment to that style.

On a broader level, in order to authentically express a person's different likings (and most people have such different likings) fully, something of higher scope than an immediate experience. An artist needs an album or a menu, or beyond that, a discography or a set of restaurants, in order to fully express the idea that they can like things from different contexts at different times. Pinning it all on a single dish or a single outfit is, as I have found at numerous times, a purely futile endeavor.

What this means, luckily for me, is that I have license to make multiple pieces of art and to shop for a wardrobe instead. :)

— Categorized under: #fashion, #art, #communication, #identity

One thing I've been thinking on and off for the past few days is what really triggers how much I enjoy a piece of media. The answer that I consistently come back to seems to be a sense of aesthetics – the sense that everything in some sort of fictional world feels “just right”.

This type of “completeness” feels really difficult to find in media, and contributes a lot to my peculiar tastes. For example, I wouldn't consider Star Wars to have a good aesthetic, neither does a decent amount of Disney films. Magic the Gathering doesn't really get it right, and Pokemon doesn't either. But Serial Experiments Lain, NGE, and Revolutionary Girl Utena seem to hit it on the spot. And so does Eccentric Family, and that there are four out of five of my favorite TV animations.

JoJo seems to have it, though it's not something I could easily tap into. On the other hand, the Personal series seems to be very aware of it.

Touhou is one of the interesting examples of this. Almost every other Touhou game presents a self-contained, complete aesthetics. This sort of frequency feels unheard of among creators, and it feels like Touhou is in the business of aesthetics much more so than games, art, pretty patterns, or music.

I was thinking a lot about how to concisely convey the feeling of “having a complete aesthetic”, but it feels almost impossible to convey through words. At least currently, I feel like as soon as I define some kind of ruleset, I will find exceptions that slip under the radar.

Of course, the definition could end up being “just stuff that I really like”. But I don't really feel like that is the case. For example, Made in Abyss and Hotline Miami are example of artworks that have a ton of things I don't like, but still manages to fascinate me with its strong aesthetics. On the other hand, My High School Romance is a show that I really like, but doesn't really have aesthetics as it's strong suit (though it does have some of that).

I did eventually stumble upon something that makes the job of articulating what a “complete aesthetic” is to me easier. In China there's an artist named Rei who did a series of pieces for two collaborative music albums themed around mythologies from around the world. The English name of the project is Dream Catchers from Around the World, and almost every image has what feels like a “complete aesthetic”. The pieces probably required a prestigious amount of research, and as a result the pieces feel like they come alive.

This discovery of so many of what feels like “complete aesthetics” is astounding to me equal to Touhou's productivity around aesthetics, and I'm really surprised that I haven't seen the artist referenced at all in the West.

Here's an example of the said images, centered around the idea of the Adam & Eve creation myth:

And here are all the said images:

https://www.pcstore.com.tw/g77shop/M39209915.htm

Though I can't still quite articulate what makes an aesthetic feel “complete” to me, looking at these pieces, I feel like I'm starting to put together some initial ideas. Hopefully one day I can articulate it fully or even better, set out to create a bunch compelling ones of my own.

—

Categorized under: #art, #aesthetics

The other day I was talking with an artist friend about the illustrator I referenced in the aesthetics article. And the friend pointed out something really interesting about this artist's journey.

In the link here (CW: some blood and nudity), you can get a sampling of the artist's works six years ago versus now. It's specifically really interesting to see that the early works are simple but actually quite evocative, while the later works usually expands the technical scope of the work while maintaining the same sensibilities. For example, below is one of their earlier works – very few characters, nearly completely monochromatic, but still interesting enough in the subject matter for someone to pause and take a look:

ナルキッソスとエコー

Here's an example of the most recent picture. The colors are now very varied, there are more characters and they tend to have more dynamic poses, and the idea of “having something kind of surreal going on in the picture” is there throughout.

まとめ18

This progression is impressive because one of the central challenges in pursuing art is the difficulty of making something you would consider “good” compared to all the other really good pieces of art you've already seen. On the other hand, working purely on artistic drills can be really demotivating because they tend to be quite boring, you haven't “finished” anything in a while, you lose a sense of social motivation, and you are prone to start doubting your abilities longer you've gone without making a “completed” piece you are satisfied with.

There's a delicate balance between skill, motivation, learning, and ambition that's challenging to navigate, and in my opinion this artist has navigated it really well. A lot of their early works, despite their simplicity, are something that someone with a trained eye can still find something interesting in. Having this kind of subjectively interesting, educational, and reasonably scoped pieces goes a long ways towards motivating someone to keep pursuing art.

Personally speaking, though some of the art felt a tad oppressive and gazey for my personal tastes, I find the sense of mystery/meaning this artist has in their work to be pretty strong – and this is something I hope to be able to achieve in my own works as well.

— Categorized under: #art, #learning

Naturally, this got me pretty self-conscious. Maybe I come off as slow, perfectionist, lazy, or bad? Like most people, I have a natural tendency to want to show myself as being “good” at something, so I definitely feel some internal conflicts during these sessions.

Thinking about it, I don't think there's any way to avoid coming off as inefficient when practicing. 99% of time I'm in the process of learning something, it had looked pretty bad out outside perspectives. It goes not only for creative endeavors, but banal things like biking, driving, and cooking as well.

I think the right way to practice on most things will by default look bad, so the choice is really to either:

• Hang out and learn, but look bad (ignore looking good)
• Hang out and not learn, but look good (ignore learning)
• Don't hang out (ignore social motivation)

When put that way, the correct choice is pretty obvious – swallow my pride, and start practicing ugly.

—

Addendum: many people criticize media for romanticizing the idea of a genius who gets it right on the first try. While I think media is partly to blame for this, I can't help but feel that we are intrinsically drawn to the idea of a genius. It is the platonic ideal of “talent”, and just like all platonic ideals, it's something we are easily endeared to.

— Categorized under: #art, #learning

The piece is a reimagined promotion material for a horror movie called Midsommar. I haven't seen the movie yet, and generally am not a fan of horror movies, however the poster made a strong impression that felt difficult to forget.

Here are the promotional pieces (trigger warning: stylized blood): link

From what I can see of other promotional materials, the movie combines a general flowery pastorical aesthetic with some sort of horror. It feels reminiscent of Stravinsky's Rite of Spring – the juxtaposition of flowery spring celebration with a brutal theme gives off a really strong sense of creepiness and contrast. It undeniably has a unique sense of aesthetics to it.

This makes me think – what about the juxtaposition really creates a sense of lasting appeal? In Blade Runner, the combination of high-tech holographic displays combined with dark, gritty neighborhoods created a classic aesthetic that's influential to this day, and spawned sub-genres of aesthetics like lo-fi. In Vaporwave, it is a juxtaposition of vintage computer graphics, Grecian busts, and mall/campy commercial icons. What lends these combinations enduring popularity, whilst just combining two unrelated things I can think of (say beach ball and the moon) doesn't seem to generate that sort of appeal?

To be sure, this is something that I don't know the answer to yet. If I did, I'm sure that I can make the things I make incredibly compelling. On the other hand, it's possible that the question is so complex (e.g. What makes certain music good? What makes certain books good?) that I won't reach a conclusive answer at all. Nevertheless, I feel the need to phrase the question clearly, if only to spell out an incredibly interesting question, and to serve as the beginning point of answering something like it.

— Categorized under: #film, #art

Specifically, I started playing a game to recharge before starting art, but had some frustrations that left me more drained.

Afterwards, I thought “what if I started drawing now, while I was drained?” and ended up having so much fun with it that I don't feel drained at all now.

It's a reversal of the usual trend, and something I quite like. It's a good reminder to not come to early conclusions about what you might not like.

— Categorized under: #irl, #art, #gaming