Loose Thoughts on Pride
At some point when I was little, the thought occurred to me that I should never be proud of anything that I didn't actively contribute to. This counted pride in my family, my school, and my nationality. I'm not sure why the thought occurred to me, but as an adult I feel like this advice has largely served me well.
Recently, I've been wondering if I could take this advice further. I was watching a show called Vinland Saga, where one of the ostensibly nice characters commits pretty awful acts in part due to his wounded pride, and it reminded me of times when I felt like my pride was wounded. It very much felt like an alien emotion – really intense, and something I think isn't that productive overall.
In the book Impro, the improv comedy teacher Keith Johnstone remarked that in ancient times, artists were seen as conduits to muses rather than auteurs of their creations. The art piece only reflected the completeness of that conduit, rather than the personality of the artist themselves. I really like that definition – it lets people create without thinking about being judged according to their creations.
Recently, I've been thinking about whether this perspective applies to not just art, but being a person – can I be a conduit of good vibe and good outcomes, just like that of good art, and not have those vibes and outcomes be seen as a core part of my personality? Because I think identifying with those outcomes are what creates that sense of pride that can get wounded sometimes. I'd like to just be a good conduit, rather than sometime who's (self-perceived) to be great.
All of this feels very hand-wavy, as I am still trying to figure it out, but I think if I focus just on the craft and nothing else, imagine myself as a tiny nucleus of an atom in the middle of a balloon as opposed to the surface of the balloon itself, I'd be a bit closer to reaching a place without ego/pride, and would be able to let go of things much more quickly.
— Categorized under: #emotions, #interactions