Grandma
Grandma passed away tonight.
A few days ago she went into the emergency room for a surgery, and had been kept under observations since then. Over the past few days we've been on the edge on whether she would make it, and now we know the answer.
She's basically the person who raised me, and had always been frail. After moving abroad, I remember that in the past ten years every now and then I would have dreams that she died, and wake up in tears. It's biologically hard for me to cry, but the dreams do do it.
I think it's fair to say that out of everyone I know, she's probably the person who loves me the most, was the most proud of me, and the person I love the most too. I also believe that she sacrificed a part of her health for me, along with all nine of children and grandchildren she had directly raised.
For some reason, right now I don't feel like crying though. Being in a different country and not being able to see her at all, things just do not feel quite real.
Thinking about never hearing her voice again, or having her cooking, see her sitting at home, or hugging her again, though, does make me feel something. I don't think I should think about it much for now.
In shows and animations when a closed one dies, people will often turn to busy work. Check their phones, open their emails, clean up their desk. I could kind of see why now. Somewhere across the world, some of my cousins and relatives are probably doing it right now. My heart goes out to them.
It's been snowing here the last few days, and it's snowing again tonight. I usually don't like it when snow stays around for so long, but I do like having the snow again tonight.
Z